This post is necessary to write and it’s been put of far too long — mostly because the topic depresses me. I’ve decided that most, if not all, women I’ve dated are certifiably insane people. Perhaps there’s an exception or two but, provide I start learning when to jump out of a disaster waiting to happen, it should be fine. Case in point, my ex Sarah C. Sarah C. meant well (maybe) and in fact was alright for a while but certain things should have tipped me off to her insane nature. The first should have been that our official first date included meeting her parents while passing their “inspection” of sorts; wasn’t too bad as it mostly consisted of us having dinner with her parents, playing cards with her grandma and then finally going to a baseball game with her family. That whole scenario wasn’t too bad it should have made me think second thought about what I was getting into. The combination of being incredibly horny along with all this probably didn’t help my decision process either. I suppose that her letting me bang her on the first date should have been another key warning but I’ll let that slide. Realizing that she didn’t actually live in Chico and was just visiting should have been the deal breaker of deal breakers, and it was the first time around…the fateful night that I should have ended the relationship completely is when I met her out at the bars for where she proceeded to get INCREDIBLY drunk, get kicked out of the bar, lose all her stuff, strip naked running around down the street from Riley’s, want me to fuck her in public, and refuse to put her clothes back on; didn’t end there either. After all this had happened it seemed like I couldn’t abandon her while she was this drunk and took me until 4am to get her actually into the car so I could take her home. Next day I got this call at 6am where she was in tears proclaiming how much she wanted to be my GF. Some how she made it up to me and convinced me to stick around just long enough to blind side me with a ton of drama. We broke up but didn’t really. How can you when you still used to see each other ever once and a while like you were still dating. Think this is where I started to stop trusting women again for a while especially after a sweet official breakup on my birth day.
Oh no! Apparently I still hadn’t taken enough punishment from her and we eventually got back together over the next semester– which is why deleting phone numbers of my ex’s is now mandatory because there certainly isn’t going to be a third round here. She knew right when to come back into the scene too, directly after my grandfather and mike died. She swooped in, comforted me, make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside again, and convinced me to move in with her down in the bay. So at the end of the semester with 2k in my pocket and not much else, I moved down to the bay for some interesting times. Went well for a while, all was well, met all of her friends and didn’t know a single person beside her of course. Think probably would have worked out if I could have actually found a job but that wasn’t particularly going to work out since she wanted to move again, to Santa Rosa — which threw off the whole arrangement pretty savagely because I had already applied for college where we were, in San Leandro, at CSU East Bay. Once the decision to move had been made, I was screwed on college because I couldn’t get into the CSU in Santa Rosa, as the deadline had past. All in all it would have set my college career back the better part of a year and made me contemplate a completely new course for myself. Ended up choosing Environmental Science because it would get me out of college more quickly but now that I’m in it, don’t think I would change back to Civil Engineering. Between running out of cash, taking out a loan, and my college career being crushed, I think maybe she just felt bad for dragging me through all this — except, that I chose to do it. At some point we had decided that I’d drive between Chico and Santa Rosa, continuing on at CSUC. So at some point I decided that I’d fallen in love with her and perhaps jumped the gun, telling her one night before we went to sleep. We had been in a off and on relationship for the better part of a year or so and we’d lived together most of the summer; just happened. Fairly disparaging when the person you’re saying, “I love you” to, remains silent, never says anything at all, and just goes to sleep. Next day, that was it and we’d broken up.
Maybe all this stuff happened because I wanted to get out and see what things were out of Chico or that I REALLY wanted some sort of meaningful relationship but either way, I just don’t trust women currently. Giving it a shot was still something that needed to be done but at least now I know a few things to watch out for. I still want the meaningful relationship part but am just a bit more wary of it and am more than a bit afraid of getting into one. Wow, that took a while to figure out but needed to be done. Don’t think I have a song to go with this post.