Make haste slowly

Think this is the only time I’ve ever been in this room with all the windows. Can see a creek, a bridge, many people walking by, and all because I’m in the room with many windows. It’s a fitting scene outside with everyone rushing about under the impression that they ‘have’ to be somewhere. I prefer the mentality of never being required to be anywhere; I want to be there but my schedule doesn’t own and run my life. Every day is different much like each window is a portal into another section of reality, even though they’re linked together and allow a convincing seamless reality to be viewed. Life shouldn’t be hectic, so whenever my life gets too ‘busy’, it needs to be re-evaluated to bring it back to the laid back experience that is the only way to enjoy life.

It’s another rainy day of the start of the rainy season. If I could stay one place all day that would be best and one of the things my routine needs is to be transformed into an out all day scenerio, instead of coming home in between classes. One of the things that could be done is asking someone in the department if they need an assistant of some kind. These four hour breaks are a bit iffy at best. It’s not so bad on the days where my classes are all blocked together but staying out of the rain during the down time could be a bit tricky. Might actually start reading one of those books that are on my list or just take my laptop with me; although, walking around in wet weather with an expensive electronic thing in my back pack isn’t such a grand idea. My motivation just isn’t what it was when it’s bright, sunny and dry out. At least there are clips to put around my ankles pants dry while walking in the rain now. If there’s one thing that’s important about being int he rain, it’s water resistant shoes, dry socks, and hopefully dry pant legs.

Went in today to see about getting things moving along in one that just seems to be beneath my skill level but ended up having to say in it until the instructor is sure that I know all that I think I know or he just didn’t want to make more course work for me to do. Either way it seems he’s selected me as a potential candidate to send over to the forestry service as an intern or career placement type deal. Wouldn’t be a bad deal, especially since I don’t have much else going on career wise…but it seems all the other things I’ve done as far as with engineering type activities like surveying helped out somewhat in that choice. Another benefit of having done surveying is that I’ll be taking the place of the grad student that would traditionally have run the project of creating a profile plot for some hydro-geologic landscape. That should be interesting.

I don’t know, life seems alright barring the unfortunate mishaps of the prior weeks. Last week was an insane experience because it came to the point where it was frequent panic attacks due to the stunning realization that I was alone, brought on by that BS marketing day. The last couple of years I thought it might be seasonal affective disorder but invariably it just isn’t as bad after that day. I’m not ruling out that I might have that though, since it’s usually the same feeling of dread every year around this time; which could be because I’m never attached to anyone at this time of year — something that’ll eventually get fixed one of these days. Definitely helped going downtown the day of to hang out with friends, but seeing the faces of those more deeply effected by that day helped me a bit more — read: many sad faces on people way more fucked up than myself. Either way it took my mind off that day and completely my goal for this year of managing to hang out in coffee shops or some such thing instead of the bars. Now I can focus on trying to be happier and finding someone too.

Well, time to go looking for a new bike. Think this go around it will be a road bike instead of a mountain bike. Mountain biking is fun but I’ve never owned a road bike and it seems I have some friends that are into road bikes, long rides, and racing. Could be another hobby to start up other than watching movies, listening to music and such. And that’s what needs to happen for my own personal health and sanity.

Weekend wasn’t the end of the world like I thought it was going to be. In fact, today seems just like any other day with the exception of the rain. Can’t say last week was the best week ever because of some weird drama such as one of the cars getting hit by the neighbor and my bike getting stolen on friday the 13th of all days. Other than that the weekend turned out pretty well. Didn’t end up getting tanked as originally planned. After the bike got stolen friday I opted to not do much of anything the rest of the day and sulk in my angry ways. Saturday I was going to do about the same but then Sarah decided to get me up and out of the house for donuts and coffee over at the Donut Nook — which is the best place in town to get a donut. We started reminiscing about ex’s but then we decided to stop that shit because it was bumming us out and then stayed there for a good while.

After the Donut Nook we ended up heading down to the Naked Lounge to hang out. While there we I met some interesting people that Sarah knew there. Seemed like we were there for only a short while but ended up staying there for at least four hours or so. Played a few games of chess, forgot about lunch, and just hung out doing whatever while we were there. Since we inadvertently skipped lunch and had only eaten donuts all day we decided food was a good option. So we went to Chen Fang’s for dinner, chatted more and then called it a night. Was going to go out and get real tanked but ended up not going out for various reasons.

Today was pretty much a video game, movie, music, nothing day and it seems to have worked out alright. Only thing I really have to do is a quiz that’s not particularly due today and a lab write up that’s not due until wednesday. Seems I don’t actually get tomorrow off and have to show up tomorrow. Oh well, I’ll get that stuff done eventually and work on figuring out exactly where and how I’m going to get a new bike.

Tomorrow I get to see exactly how to skip an entire class and get credit for it at the same time! Should be an interesting experience since I’ve never had the opportunity to attempt it before. If I get rid of that class I might as well get a shit part time job of some kind.

That’s right you fucks, if I ever catch who the did this I’ll first break their face, then move on to placing their head between pavement and the curb, then split their bitch skull clean open — otherwise known as the california smiley. Once they are good and dead I’d throw them into on coming traffic. Too bad they could only die once. Either way the fuck/s would deserve it for making me go over to the police department to report having a stolen bike and waiting for ages to get anyone to take my info…

Doesn’t matter much since they’ll eventually get anal raped when they go to prison for doing these kinds of things, which would be much worse than getting a bike stolen from you.

Can anyone say that they’ve actually come up with a truly original thought in their life time? I think that if anyone says they have then they’re probably wrong. Of all the billions of people that have inhabited the earth before us, there had to have been someone who had exactly the same types of thoughts that we experience today. Perhaps someone that comes up with a ‘new’ concept is able to claim this but ultimately they cannot be sure that there wasn’t someone already toying with the idea of it before their time who felt the flickering light above their head of the exact same idea. Each and every day that’s what I set out to do but to this date that hasn’t happened but that’s not something thing I should be able to claim in my short 24 years of existence on this planet; After all, my mind is still being developed through the thoughts and ideas of other people with the process of what is sometimes referred to as information regurgitation. Even though my goal is to have an original thought at some point in my life I must not forget that there’s a difference between an oringinal thought and a sincere thought.

Last night was pretty fun up until I had a small panic attack when I got home. Started off with coffee, with Sarah and I going over to the Naked Lounge for a while and chatting about whatever. Then we bumped into some people she knew out in the front while she smoked a cigarette. The interesting part here was that we met some guy who has short term memory loss and forgot who we were and what we had talked to him about 20 minutes after we had met him — and I thought my life was hard. From there we went over to the Sultans Bistro and got a couple of gyro’s. Had forgotten that Emily worked there and it was nice to see her again since it’s been a while.

After dinner we decided that it would be best to try and get some people to go out with us but either they had some other obligations or, in Brian’s case, just didn’t want to do anything at all. Other than that it was great except fot the fact that Sarah and I trying to force Brian to come out of his house didn’t work out. Suppose he’s probably figured out the prank we pulled on him by now. O:-)

Only thing I was pissed off about last night was that I invited people out to trike night at the bear and when I was there the people how I had invited acted all surprised and awkwardly angry that I was there — even though they knew I was going to be there. Hung out with them for a bit but their awkwardness was bringing me down so Sarah and I found our own spot to watch the trike races without their negative energy. Was fun watching the drunk people ride on the trikes whilest I consumed my beer. Hung around there to about 11:30 and decided nothing much else was going to happen, so we left for the night.

I’ve come to the conclusion that if he weren’t able to write whatever he wanted to some outlet — in this case, his blog — then he would probably wouldn’t have made it this far. What’s wrong with that? Nothing and it sure beats getting fucking anti-depressants or some shit like that. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, right? The things I write here don’t define me as a person. You can’t get to ‘know’ me by reading it. There’s so much more to a person that random blurbs about their psychotic thoughts posted to some blog. Some people get that and some people don’t…

Today went alright with nothing particularly bad or good happening. Guess I was completely brushed off by someone but that happens. The night had a bit of mischeif but that’s all I’ll go into about it. Realized while I was out that there’s really one one person who calls me regularly, with that being Sarah. No one calls me or texts me anymore and it’s pissing me off. Maybe I should transfer to the University Of New Hampshire like I planned to do. My options are getting limited with the end of my undergrad closing in. I hate that I have to go around all day putting on a fake smile when all I want is to find some one to be happy with for a while. Some days, with today especially, it would be best if I didn’t exist — at least that’s what I think the world is trying to tell me. I don’t want to end up like everyone else in this down as a used up, washed out, old drunk. Still I have to own up to the fact that no one wants me around and things aren’t getting any better.

Sitting around again with not much of anything going on. Need to get the hell out of this house for a while. True, I was at class all day but that doesn’t count since I was just sitting there in lectures for the most part. Damn, my head feels lazy. Maybe I’ll see what Sarah or someone is doing tonight. She’s pretty fun to hang around with and it doesn’t hurt that she only lives a block or two away. Then again there is the possibility I’ve completely forgotten about some homework assignment I was supposed to do, but that’s not likely since we’ve only been watching movies so far for the semester. At least the weekend wont boring since I’m supposed to go to some sort of ‘singles’ night Sarah’s put together the day before V-day, which may be alright.

Back to it. <— Strike that! Done.  Found someone to get coffee with.