Make haste slowly

Never thought that my advances on Whitney while we were out on the town were making her feel worthless like her rejections made me feel worthless as well. Had I known showing some affection while we were out was the wrong way to go about doing it, I would have been doing about this a different way. Well… I probably still would have done most of it because that’s just how I show that I like a chick but this other aspect is wholly new territory for me — utterly confusing too!

I have no idea how I fucked this up so badly.

Always imagined in the back of my head that finding the person for you would just kind of happen since they’re looking for you too. Not sure if my most recent attraction understands what I’m looking for. Maybe she thinks that I’m looking for a quick lay and nothing more; could be that I come off as that type of guy and I have no idea how to convince her otherwise. Was so certain that she liked me but now I’m not so sure anymore but either way I like her with or without that first part there. Maybe I know more about what I’m looking for this time. Who knows? Because I sure don’t, but we’ll see how it goes…

So far all I know is that women who seem to like you but actually have some sort of cause are always trouble unless you’re the leader of said cause; women who just give you their number without asking are not only hit and miss but also potentially psychos; women who were a one night stand, originally, are now obsessed with you and are trouble; women who pester you for dates constantly are usually psychos ; women who lead you on for entirely too long usually seem to have some sort of grudge against men –  which then entails you being punished for other crimes you never committed. Maybe I’ve just had a few too many bad experiences but so far this woman doesn’t seem to fall into those categories. Perhaps I’m just looking for love in all the wrong places. :-/

Last night was one of the experiences that I’m not going to forget about anytime soon. Livid is one way to describe how upset I was. To be told that I only like someone when I’m drunk is no only insulting but probably the quickest way to piss me off I’ve ever come across. Trying to get my point through that I like them is hard enough without her second guessing what the fuck I want to say. SON OF A BITCH! Any song I listen to cannot express exactly the emotion I feel right now. Fucking anger mixed with confusion as to who I should be angry with, making a thoroughly awful night.

Now she’s apologized about it. Do I accept it and move on or hold a grudge like I normally would. I don’t know. I like this chick but last night her head games got under my skin in a way I have had done in a long time. She knew the right things to do and say to manipulate and I was left without any idea why she would want to do that to me. Left without a reason is the most confusing and frustrating thing I’ve ever known.

Seems I have a few more women that have decided that I’m what they’re looking for and I’ll see how that goes. So far the only other thing that’s new is that I’ve been watching a ton of new movies when I should be studying but that’s alright since I’m pretty comfortable where I’m at in those classes. Also started using facebook again since it was just easier than keeping up with people by phone all the time. Did force an interesting shift in group dynamics when I wasn’t on any social networks though, but that’s a bit hard to explain. Other than that it seems that I’m getting nothing but support for my plans to enter grad school in about a year — hopefully my ambition to get there won’t waver between now and then. After talking with people in the major it seems I’m a bit above the curve and have already taken the core classes I would need to get into the masters program.