Make haste slowly

Should there be another way to go about all of what I want to do in life? Maybe. Don’t suppose I’d want to do it any other way than how it’s fallen together. Retrospect seems all well and good now but who knows how things would actually play out if you had gone back and changed a few things about yourself. Could be that you would be worse off.

Looking back it seems like I should remember this as a shit year in my life. Grandpa dying, Mike dying, moving down to the bay fairly hastilly; you see the point. Wasn’t ’til having been back a few months that my life smoothed out and realizing having a few tragedys take place in a short time period doesn’t necessarily mean the whole year’s going to be a bad one. Well… unless you count the whole market crash or the possibility of McCain Palin being in the white house. Other than that… life seems alright.

So far this semester has been treating me alright. Not too much work and not too little work. Still have time to do things and not feel like im becoming obese. Still holds true that all of my classes tend to dump larger amounts of work out at the same time.

Anyone actually read these?

Today is an awesome day. I have stumbled on a karate kid marathon. It’s generally much cheesier than I remember it being.

Fell asleep for a while while watching an art movie. While asleep my mind wandered; eventually coming upon a scene where someone doing an art project but didn’t know how. She came up to me distraught not knowing how to create a specific texture upon her page. My mouth moved but nothing came out. Taking a piece of bark off a near by tree, grinding it down, running it through some graphite, and finally smearing it on the page. She said, “even though it’s not what I had imagined, it’s still better than what I had imagined; more perfect than what I was looking for.” That was it.

Sometimes what you were looking for was completely wrong. Only did you realize the true nature of what you sought till it was apparent; the utter imperfection of perfection. To be truely perfect everything must be slightly imperfect no matter the intent.

On the eve of whatever day happens to be tomorrow, I feel like my weekend was cut way too short. Spent the whole of Saturday on a bus going through Lassen; very hungover from the festivities of sky’s b-day. So It’s my fault I stayed out too late and couldn’t handle my liquor. Woke up with a splitting head ache and thought maybe I’d just settling for the eight page paper instead of the trip; but no, I decided to tough it out and forgo the whole eight page paper. Sure I felt like I was going to die for a long while but sure enough I made it through.

Then for the rest of the weekend I took it easy doing almost nothing. Was a fitting end to what never was. Still I can feel myself getting fatter by the minute from taking a break from the usual. More specifically I didn’t get to do my usual bike riding around town. Sure my clothes still fit but is that really the point? No. I just feel lazy. Thought about going down to the music festival but turns out I found out about that a bit too late since it was over before I knew it started. Either I’m not on the ball or something because normally I’d have been all over that.

The apartment hunt isn’t helping matters much. Went to see a place over on 8th ave Friday. Didn’t turn out to be what I was expecting. Looked nice from the outside; inside was a different matter. Thought the place seemed a bit too much like some place you’d be blind folded and left in for no apparent reason. Bath tub had a huge stain they couldn’t explain; bedroom was tiny in that it could barely fit a twin bed in it; living room could possibly hold a couch and maybe a tv but not much else since the kitchen was also in it. Then there was the mystery hallway in the back that had a large mini-van-esque looking swing door. Truely the Art Deco building is an abomination of some sort.

Now when thinking about my life it seems like it’s all in a huge rush. Feeling like you’re never catching up to with where your life should be isn’t a good feeling; more over knowing it’s true. Do I care? Should it be this way? Who knows.

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I’ll top my night off with a documentary on stolen paintings fron WWII.

It’s been decided. I’m going to skip town and become an actor or possibly a clown; not sure which yet but actors do get bigger cars than clowns.

fuck it. I’m bored. not much to do beside listen to music, and watch movies. tried playing some games but kept falling asleep while playing them. i don’t know maybe im expecting too much out of a week day.

On occasions such as this it seems evident that I have no clue as to why they happen; a little self-examining. Today I was thinking of how my life was going and it seems all well and good with the exception it occurs to me that I’m in a vain search for what I cannot find. Problem with that is that wanting, seeking, and finding love aren’t necessarily connected or something that happen just because you want them to. The fact of my knowledge into the ideal of what I seek creates a self-bias which blinds me from it. Maybe that’s the way it was intended to be. It’s just something that cannot be forced. Once I stop looking is not when I’ll find it but rather when it will happen.

Believe it to be so; therefore it is! Not necessarily. :-S

Can finally relax somewhat after getting the first major test of the semester out of the way. Thought the chem test would be hard but it ended up being alright; getting a B+ out of the deal. Luckily this guy doesn’t dock us on our BS math mistakes; Phew… Now to just keep this trend going.

Not sure what I’m doing these days. Everything has just fallen into place the way it should be; not without work on my part though. Can’t help but thinking when I look around looking at all the other people weather my life is all it could be. Not that it matters much since we all have our own way; most of us that is. Perhaps in a way I should feel glad that a comparison between my life an someone else’s isn’t possible. Growing up in this society fighting back the feelings of being in adequate for not being perfectly where I ought to be in life nags at my mind. It’ll all coming in due time but managing all of this with college has become something else; yet, it felt like my mind had begun to atrophy without it.

Mostly I’m just glad that this semester I’ve met some awesome new people to have fun with. Could be that’s all I needed.

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So far the weekend has seemed to have gone alright. Well… Friday ended up being a bust but then again I did get most of my studying done that day. Went to see Burn After Reading with Jordan. Was one of those rare occasions where my brother actually has a Friday off since most days he works the grave yard shift at the hospital.

So then Saturday was my action packed day. Not so much in the morning. Watched a few movies and finished up Before the Rains. Then talked with Kristen for a while and we decided to go see the movie Traitor later that night. So I figured in between now and then I’d have some time to get a bike ride in before the movie. Left here around three. All went well on the bike ride. Weren’t too many cars/trucks; although, the trucks that did go by always kick up way too much dust. Trouble came on the way down from Brown’s Hole… my back tire blew out completely and the whole way back — 10mi or so — not a single person stopped with the exception of another biker. Unfortunately my tire wasn’t going to hold any air so I thanked the other cyclist and kept on moving. The whole time I was thinking, “shit, I’m gonna be late to the movies.” Luck was on my side it seemed as it only took me until 6:30 to get back home.

The movie was alright but it could have been much better. The action was good, the plot line kind of made sense as it’s something our government might come up with as they’re completely incompetent. Guess the high light of Saturday is now being able to tell Kristen I walked 10 miles to get to the movie theatre.